Neighborhood-Kids All Local. All for Kids. All the Time.

How can we already be at the end of July? Every summer at the end of July, I realize just how short summer is.

But we did get some traveling in (also the reason I have been so slack about posting). We did a road trip through Oregon and northern California with heavy emphasis on family. On our way south to the Monterey Peninsula, we stopped at the Lava Beds National Monument in Northern California. Ever heard of it? Probably not. It only gets 100,000 visitors a year.

Kids love this place, and if you’re in the neighborhood, I recommend it. There are more than 700 lava tubes with about three dozen developed for the public. The tubes were formed by volcanic eruptions from thousands of years ago. The lava flows cooled around the outside, leaving a molten middle that flowed away, leaving pitch-black tubes perfect for exploring.
Some of the tubes were closed while we were there because they were hosting baby bat populations, and we also opted not to visit the caves that required crawling, which left us with the best of the best.

Golden Dome was our favorite: manageable ceilings that required some stooping but not crawling (watch out for “headache rock” as you enter), long tunnels, and a glittery gold ceiling formed from water droplets adhering to a coating of hydrophobic bacteria. Sounds gross, but it’s not. Looks a lot like fool’s gold. We didn’t get lost, but because the cave has a figure 8 shape, you could easily go around in circles, and I must admit, I did find it a little worrisome. But then the kids started to recognize various boulders and entrances to tunnels as places we’d been before. “This way,” they would say. Whew.

You do want to wear a helmet (we had our bike helmets with us) to protect against head bumps—plenty of those to go around. We met families without them, who looked at ours rather enviously. And you definitely want flashlights, which we checked out from the visitor center.

If you’re heading to California, the Lava Beds are a great stop.

Last night we went to our local Fourth of July block party, per usual, a party we’ve been attending for about six years now. Just so happened we’d been going through photos from these parties the night before and exclaiming how young our kids were when our neighbor started throwing them. Here's a photo of yesteryear's fun. That's Leah in front.

So last night’s party felt particularly poignant as I realized the young kids lining up for their turn to light a firework were not kids I knew. The kids I knew, many of them now 13, 14, and 15, were roaming around and chatting, a few lighting fireworks but most not. The lure of fireworks has dulled for them, especially for the girls (until they start throwing their own Independence Day parties, I suppose--now that's a scary thought).

On Facebook this morning, I saw a few photos of families who had congregated one block over from us, families with toddlers, preschoolers, and soon-to-be kindergartners. The same phase I was in six years ago. In six years those kids will be on the cusp of adolescence.

For my daughter, six years is just about half her life. For my son, it's two-thirds of his. Forever.

For me, six years is nearly one-eighth of my life and getting fractionally smaller every year. In other words, a couple fleeting steps and then my kids are gone. Kinda freaky.

Stephanie Dethlefs, a friend and fellow writer, is the founder of Young Writers Studio, a fantastic resource for Whatcom County kids that she’s poured her heart and soul into. The Studio is having a fundraiser book sale, and I wanted to pass the word along.

Here’s what Stephanie has to say:

As you may know, our organization has been incorporated as a nonprofit and is on its way to obtaining 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status. And to celebrate, we are going hold a fundraiser!

On Saturday, July 31, we will be having a gigantic used book sale, with 100% of the proceeds going to support Young Writers Studio programming. With financial assistance available for our low-cost workshops and free support given to the public schools, we rely greatly on the generosity of our local and regional community to keep our programs up and running.

And here’s how to help:

1. Donate books!
Let me know that you have books to donate, and I will come pick them up (contact is info@YoungWritersStudio.org). One book or one hundred...whatever you can donate is great! Books for all ages, of all genres, all styles, all sizes welcome...as long as they've been just gently loved. In return you'll be given an IOU donation receipt which can later be used to obtain a tax-deductible receipt once our 501(c)(3) status is granted (this fall...fingers crossed!)

2. Shop our book sale!
Mark your calendars for Saturday, July 31, 2010, 12 - 4 p.m. at the Center for Expressive Arts and Experiential Education, 1317 Commercial St., Suite 201, Bellingham 98225. All books priced at $1; 12 for $10 & 25 for $20.  A book-lover's paradise!! :-)

 3. Pass the  message to any and all who might be interested in donating or attending!
 Find out more about our program at www.YoungWritersStudio.org. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for supporting the Young Writers Studio.
 
Sincerely,
Stephanie

I started reading The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence for research purposes, but then I got so engrossed in Rachel Simmon’s message that I started recommending the book to all my friends who have girls. To the moms themselves, too, because this book has a powerful message about girls' (and women's) potential and the unachievable goal of being "good." I got interested in the book because I see parents of girls (I am one) coping with subversive relational tactics between girls. According to Simmons, it starts in early childhood.

You know that mean girl behavior we associate with middle school? Those tactics can start as early as preschool. In fact, I recently read a study showing that girls as young as age 3 not only understand “relationally aggressive” tactics, but they associate them with being a girl. Yikes. No wonder our elementary school teachers are tearing their hair out.

Relational aggression is that behavior that attacks relationships. It’s the gossip, the eye-rolling, the rumors, the “he said,” “she said” stuff. Simmons says it stems from our culture sending messages to girls at a very early age that it’s important to play “nice." Girls grow up equating self-esteem with being Good--modest, polite, and selfless.  She believes this message sends girls’ challenging emotions, deemed unacceptable, underground, and they come out sideways in indirect ways because conflict is bad, unladylike. Recognize anyone?

But it’s not that girls are relational bullies. That’s too simple, and it’s always bothered me that we are so quick to label girls who use these tactics as mean. Sure, teen girls can be mean in highly creative ways--I've heard the methods--but why? Where does it start?

Ask yourself if you've told your daughter not to say anything if she can't say something nice. Girls need help with being direct. They need help labeling uncomfortable emotions. They don’t need the message that they’re mean or impolite or girls shouldn't say such things (really, this message is alive and well). Simmons' book is not about relational aggression, per se (that's her first one, Odd Girl Out), but she does show how girls' communication strategies play a role. Her larger message is about girls' lost potential, and a compelling one it is. With case studies and research, Good Girl shows how the tendencies to subvert the self to be Good can affect educational choices, ability to hear feedback from a coach, choices in relationships, and confidence in the workplace. Simmons also shows us how to reverse the trend at the individual level, right down to sample conversations.

Have a girl? The book is aimed at middle school parents, but elementary parents benefit too. This is a great summer read to get you ready for next fall’s classroom.

Tonight my daughter was reading a little article I wrote about swim lessons that was published in New Jersey Family last month. “Don’t pressure kids,” she read. “Now, that is the best tip I’ve ever heard.” (She feels especially close to the topic since it was her swim lessons experience that led to the article.)

So I'm passing along all I’ve learned about failed swim lessons because, after all, the season is upon us. Read about it in “Tips for Developing Water Confidence in Reluctant Children.”

And if your boy (or girl) is bringing home the big-dog words, you can catch a few tips in “Cures for Cussing,” out last month in Parenting School Years. (My son still doesn't know I wrote this -- not saying he was my inspiration or anything.)